In my latest blog post, I wanted to share how I discovered meditation. People come to meditation for various reasons, but it’s usually not because everything is going perfectly in their lives. If everything is great, there’s no need for meditation — although, let’s be honest, when is everything ever perfect? Life in Samsara is full of ups and downs. When you’re down, you do whatever it takes to survive and keep yourself intact. When things are going well, you tend to forget how bad they once were.
I began meditating in 2016. That was the first time I sat down and meditated for an entire hour. I was tired of running in circles like a hamster on a wheel, so I sat down. And I stayed there for an hour. It felt like a relief. Since then, I practiced meditation, but not often — just occasionally.
Gradually, I noticed that those rare moments of meditation were becoming more than just a way to calm myself. They started to seep into my everyday life, changing my perception and attitude towards the world.
In 2022, when I faced another challenging period, meditation became my lifeline. At that time, war had begun, my business in Russia was deteriorating, and I felt utterly drained. My soul was screaming in pain, and I didn’t know how to find solace. In my despair, I turned to meditation again, but this time I decided to take it more seriously. I started meditating daily, both in the morning and evening. Weeks turned into months, and I began to notice how meditation was helping me not only cope with anxiety but also discover new aspects of myself. It became easier to accept my emotions, and I learned to let go of negative thoughts and experiences without dwelling on them.
In 2023, I decided to delve deeper into this practice and embarked on a retreat. It was not an easy decision, as I didn’t know what to expect, but I felt it was an important step on my journey. The retreat in the Goenka-ji tradition was a true revelation for me. It was 10 days of silence, without gadgets, internet access, or any form of communication. We stayed at a retreat center somewhere in the Southern Urals, and for those ten days, we only slept, ate, and meditated. Meditation lasted about 11 hours each day.
This retreat had a profound impact on me. Since then, I’ve attended several more retreats. The last one happened just before my trip to China.
Here in China, as my partner and I are launching a business, with the future being highly uncertain, without knowing the language, and away from family, I can’t imagine what I would do without meditation. Now I know that despite all the challenges in life, I always have a place to return to for peace and strength. And that place is within me.
Meditation has become my compass, guiding me through the toughest moments. In China, where each day brings new challenges and trials, I find time for myself to retreat and meditate. This practice helps me maintain mental clarity and inner calm despite the external chaos.
With each passing day, I become more convinced that meditation is not just a practice but a way of life. It has taught me to be more patient, mindful, and determined. Even when things don’t go as planned, I know I can handle any situation because I have this inner resource.
Our business in China is gradually gaining momentum. We still face many difficulties: my language barrier, cultural differences, new laws, and regulations. But thanks to meditation, I’ve learned not to panic and to find solutions even in seemingly hopeless situations. Meditation has given me the confidence that everything will be alright if I act mindfully and believe in my abilities.
Through meditation, I’ve also discovered a new level of communication with people. I’ve become more empathetic and attuned to others’ needs. This helps me build trusting relationships with partners, clients, and employees. I’ve learned to listen and truly hear, making our collaboration more productive and enjoyable.
How does meditation work with long-term practice? I’m not a doctor or psychologist, just an ordinary practitioner. I’ll try to explain it as I understand, in simple terms.
Each of us has an inner «self» (our ego). The formation of this «self» is influenced by many factors – our gender, nationality, appearance, heredity. Whether you are short or tall, this will affect your «self». Are you overweight or slim? What is the shape of your face and the cut of your eyes? What color is your hair? All these factors influence your «self». But there is something that affects the «self» even more – our acquired experiences, especially traumatic ones. You can think of it like this: you were supposed to live and develop in a certain way, but a traumatic event occurred, and after that, your «self» became «distorted». This mark on your soul will never fully disappear, and your «self» will never be the same as before. By a certain age, we all become like a twisted tree growing alone on a cliff – bent and crooked under the wind. We are full of these «imprints on the soul,» which have changed us. Or as we, meditation practitioners, call them – samskaras. These samskaras accompany us everywhere and always. We don’t even realize that they have influenced our «self» so much that without them, we would be different people.
In essence, samskaras are any of our experiences. A childhood grievance is a samskara. A harsh word casually thrown your way is a samskara. The first (and often unrequited) love is a samskara. We are full of these samskaras, like a bucket filled with water after a long, heavy rain. We carry these samskaras as imprints of our negative experiences throughout our lives and don’t realize that they affect our actions and decisions in the present and future.
This is where meditation can play a role that, in my subjective opinion, no modern science can. Serious meditation practice can «reset» the influence of these samskaras. All negative memories are not erased from your mind. You continue to remember everything. But their most negative impact becomes neutral. The effect of the samskaras is neutralized. This is the most magical effect of meditation that one can achieve.
But practicing for just 10-15 minutes a day is not enough. You need to practice more, much more, and over a long period. But it is worth it! I encourage you to start practicing meditation. And if you happen to be in Shenzhen, let’s try meditating together. There’s a lot of benefit in group meditation too.